Smiley’s Smile

December 2nd, 1964, 22:30 

It is pouring. Pouring is not a word that the Englishmen use lightly. Normally, it drizzles in England. Drizzle is akin to tiny pins falling from the skies pricking innocent bystanders. Other days there are scattered showers. These are instance in which sun rays intermittently pierce gray clouds. In the mornings, Englishmen often encounter sleet, or rain drops turned harmless by a combination of light snow. But this evening, it is pouring. George Smiley walks slowly to the black car waiting on the tarmac. Drenched, he sits next to an old, pale man coughing violently between cigarette drags.

“Do we trust the source?” asks Control.

“We do”, replies Smiley, opening his wet trench coat.

“And that’s the problem. Eh, George?”

“Yes”, says Smiley, adjusting his thick round glasses.

“There’s nothing more dangerous than a trusted source, George. Treacherous sources are preferable. You know where you stand with a treacherous source. But a trusted source is dangerous. You can lose sight of the truth with a trusted source”.

“Yes. And now?”, Smiley asks quietly.

“Now?!”, roars the old man, coughing painfully. “Now the circus starts”. 

Control kicks the front seat and Toby Esterhase starts the engine.

2 Days Earlier, Zurich, 14:00

All three of them are seated around an old, blue dining table. The sort of table that has a cheap plastic finish. Smiley seems patient. English. His fingers are crossed and he focuses on the table, avoiding eye contact with the others. The woman checks the clock. Her clothes are outdated. She’s wearing a striped pin suit, the kind of suit that secretaries wore in the 50’s; sometime between the War and Twiggy. The woman lights a cigarette, and returns to the clock. The third man, the oldest of the three, is fixing a wristwatch. A tiny lens is fitted onto his glasses, and he is using a small screwdriver, one that can barely be detected by the naked eye. Then, a coil jumps and the watch flings open. 

The woman smiles. “How much damage could it do?”. 

The man’s eyes turn to the ceiling as he calculates the amount of explosives he could fit into an elegant wristwatch. “With a bit of luck, in a small surrounding, two maybe three dead”. The woman is pleasantly surprised. 

“Tea?” she asks. 

“No, thank you” responds a restrained Smiley. Moments pass. Then an hour. Finally, there is a loud knock on the door. The man and the woman look at each other. The woman stands up and walks to the hallway as the man says to Smiley “he’s always punctual”.

Smiley nods. He was meant to wait. They kept him waiting. Revenge for the six million he thinks. Smiley can hear a foreign language. Hebrew, he assumes. It is too removed from Latin to be German or Yiddish. Warm greetings, he thinks. Signs of affection. A kiss. And a gift. Something small. Just a token of affection.

The woman marches back into the kitchen with a box of chocolates. “He’s ready for you. I’ll translate”.

Smiley follows the woman. A white sheet hangs from the ceiling to the floor, separating a large room into two even parts. Smiley can make out the shadow of the man seated on the other side. He is tall, and slim. He has long legs, muscular shoulders and an elongated face. The woman brings a chair for Smiley and he sits down, straightening his vest. He is the only one wearing a three-piece suite. The woman crosses over.

Then the veiled man speaks from beyond the sheet. Not Hebrew. Arabic. The veiled man has confidence, words roll on his tongue. It’s music to Smiley’s ears, a spy always taken with the Levant. Then the woman speaks in short sentences. She has a harsh tongue. “Salam Aliykum friend. You have come a long way to meet me”, she says mechanically.

“Yes”, Smiley replies. “I was pleased to receive your invitation”.

No translation is required. The veiled man understands English.

“Not so much of an invitation as a summons” translates the woman from Arabic. The veiled man has a smile when he speaks. The woman does not.

“Yes”, says Smiley. “I’ve been sent by Control to verify the message you wired. You heard this from Alois Brunner, himself?”

The veiled man laughs. He speaks some words in Arabic. The woman protests. Then, she leaves the room.

“From Brunner himself” asserts the veiled man in English. “Do you know why I asked her to leave?”

“Yes”, replies the predictable yet indispensable Smiley.

“You have seen my shadow. You have guessed my height. You have heard me speak Hebrew and Arabic and now English. You have listened to my accent and deduced my origin. So, you are certain I am the man?”.

“Fairly certain. I am willing to trust that you are most likely agent 88”.

“Trust is important. Tell me Mr. English, do you have a lighter?”.

Smiley pulls a large silver lighter out of his vest and kicks it under the white sheet. The veiled man inspects it. “To George” he reads aloud, “With all my love. Anne”.

“Yes” remarks a sullen Smiley. “So now you know who I am”.

“I do. So? We go on?” asks the veiled man as he lights a cigar.

“Does Brunner entertain often? Does he entertain many people?”

“I don’t know”.

Silence from Smiley’s side.

“I never met Alois at his home. When he is in Damascus, he stays at a hotel. Not far from the President’s Palace. As you already know”.

“Yes. Does he speak of the past often? Of the war?”.

The veiled man laughs. “He is a former Nazi. All he speaks about is the War”.

Smiley lights a cigarette. But he doesn’t smoke it. Rather, he places it in an ashtray and watches for a moment as the fire begins to consume it.

“Does he speak to you in Arabic?”

“English, only. But he understands Arabic. When I belittle him in front of Syrian friends he flinches.”

“Scars?”, inquires Smiley.

The veiled man taps his foot impatiently. “Will you ever trust me, Mr. English? You know exactly how many scars he has and where. One, above the right eyebrow. Another on the chin. Small. He carries a leg. The right one. He likes suites. Taylor made. Not like yours, Mr. English”. A moment passes. Then he goes on. “And girls. Young girls. No older than 17. His pinky is missing from his left hand. A grenade accident he says, but I doubt it.”

“Yes”, agrees Smiley. “And he told you that…”

-“that the Fuhrer, Adolf Hitler, is alive and well”.

Smiley fixes his vest. Then his glasses. He crosses his legs and lights another cigarette. As it burns in the ashtray he adds “And why do you believe him?”

“I host him. He can’t take the girls to the hotel. Damascus has its limits. After he has them he becomes…what is the word?”

-“Chatty”

“Yes, Mr. English. Chatty. He never drinks except after he has the girls. Then he drinks a lot. And he talks to me about all of them. Who is alive, where he lives and why the Jews will never find them”.

“And he is accurate?” says Smiley closely observing the lighted cigarette. 

“He gave me the correct location of the Dr.”

“Mengele?”, asks Smiley

“Very good, Mr. English. You know your Nazis”.

“Any others?”

“Yes. The fat man. He gave me the name of the farm, the color of the house, the number of sheep. It was all correct”.

“So”, concludes Smiley “the Fuhrer is alive and well”.

“Exactly so, Mr. English. In Sao Paolo. A small villa with a large balcony”.

The cigarette burns out. “The mustache?” asks Smiley as he stands up. Two cigarettes equal 7 minutes. More than enough time to assess agent 88.

“Gone. Now there is a full beard”.

Smiley buttons the jacket. “Thank you 88. Your message will reach Control.”

As Smiley heads the door the veiled man asks “You did not ask about the message?”

“No”.

“At the airport in Damascus, a tall man asked me to give my best to Anne and her husband”.

“Yes”.

“He said to tell you that Percy Alleline is an idiot”.

“Yes”.

“You didn’t ask about the message”, repeats the veiled man.

“You’re a field agent, 88. I knew that you would tell me of your own volition”.

“How did you know, Mr. English”?

“Field agents are eager to share information. It’s the curse of living with too many secrets. Stay safe in Damascus, 88” says Smiley, and as he leaves the apartment he can still hear 88 laughing.

December 2nd, 1964, 23:00 

The black car races along London’s Mall as Control’s coughs grow louder and increasingly menacing. 

“Did he give you my message?”

“Yes. Percy Alleline is an idiot”. Control bursts out in a laugh that quickly turns to phlegm. He smothers himself with a handkerchief until he breathes, slowly. Esterhase leans backwards, like a petty criminal eavesdropping on underworld kingpins.

-“Move forward you dog!” yells Control. 

Smiley looks out at the deserted city. Englishmen flee the streets when it pours.  

“Well George, this is a grenade”, coughs Control.

“Yes”.

“This could blow the whole Circus to pieces”.

“Yes”.

“We can’t tell the Americans”.

“No”.

“Because they already know. They must. And we can’t tell the…the” he coughs for a moment. Then he adds “we can’t tell Minister Lacon because he will tell the Daily Mail”.

“Yes.”

“But what about your friend? Could this be used against him?”.

Smiley plays with his glasses. “The Center will deny it”, he finally says. “Moscow will deny it. They’ll say it’s a crackpot conspiracy theory. Some new invention by the Americans”.

“Yes” thinks Control. “Western propaganda… Unless”.

It’s quiet for a few seconds. The Smiley says “That would be difficult”. 

“You always say it’s difficult George. And then you succeed. Who would you take this too?”

Smiley is silent. Control barks. “Stop the car, you hound!” 

The car comes to an abrupt stop. “Leave us”. Esterhase looks at the rain. He hesitates. “Leave!” yells Control as Esterhase leaps into a large puddle. 

Smiley looks at Control and says, “Not Alec Leamas”.

“Why George, is that a threat?”. Control thinks back to the day Alec died, climbing the Wall in Berlin. 

“No” surprises Smiley. “A reminder. Do we really want to leave another spy, out there, in the cold?”

Both of them look at the rain. Lightning strikes as poor Toby Esterhase runs amok trying to find shelter. Control laughs. Then he looks at George. “This is it George. We won’t survive this mess”.

Smiley says “Not Bill Hayden”.

“Yes”, coughs Control. 

“Too tall,” adds Smiley. 

“And too in love?”. Control registers Smiley’s anger. “All right George. What about Jim Prideaux?”

 “Yes” agrees Smiley. 

“Prideaux, Budapest, Moscow, Karla. Right?”

“Right” says Smiley, still fearing the cold. 

December 22nd, 1964, 21:00

A party. Christmas. Control is drunk. Pissed, in the English vernacular. Bill Haden is making love to Anne. Smiley knows. He sees it all. But Prideaux is sober. Now, thinks Smiley. Prideaux walks to the lavatory and Smiley follows. He lurks for a moment or two. From the hall he can hear the Circus singing the “International”. The door opens and Smiley storms in pushing Prideaux back. 

Jim has a kind face. But he is not entirely duplicitous. There are kind things about him. He has a warm smile, as well. It’s an asset he can deploy at will. Control always says that a spy can diffuse most threats with a warm smile.  

“George?”

“Jim”.

They stand in the lavatory without speaking. Smiley waits for it to become awkward. Then he explains. “Jim, it’s time for you to leave again. Budapest, I should think. Do you still have a friend there?”

“George, I never knew you cared” answers Prideaux with the familiar smile. 

-“A friend…” says Smiley, pretending to be slightly aggravated when in fact he is charmed. 

“Yes” says Jim, both hands in his pockets. He glances at the mirror and fixes his receding hairline. “Although not for long, George. The friend is returning to Moscow Center”. 

Smiley nods. The opportunity is present. The risk is acceptable. But he likes Jim. Smiley’s about to falter when he utters “Good Jim. Then you should leave tonight. This friend, is he ambitious?”

“He’s a communist George. They’re all ambitious” laughs Jim Prideaux. 

Smiley smiles. A rarity. 

“There’s a file, Jim. It’s plump. And plausible. And”-

The door opens. Someone tall walks in. Smiley grabs Jim by the elbow as they walk into the hall. Smiley leans in and says “it’s the best tradecraft available, Jim. A fabrication based on a truth. A lie whose center of gravity is a farfetched reality. It’s so implausible, that Moscow Center just might believe it. You see Jim, the Fuhrer is alive and well in Sao Paolo. Now, someone had to get him there. That someone was Karla”.

The truth is that Hitler is alive. The center of gravity is that the Russians already know this. The lie is that the head of Moscow Center, the man in charge of all KGB operations, Karla himself, is the one that helped Hitler escape. 

Doubt. The file is only meant to sow doubt. To get someone in Moscow to say “maybe”. Just “maybe”. Doubt. It always leads to more questions. “If yes, then why? Why would Karla help Hitler escape?”. Doubt. If it takes hold, it can lead to dangerous speculation. “Karla would only help Hitler escape if he was a double agent. If he betrayed the Soviet Union”. Doubt. Smiley and Control will defeat Karla not with guns, or microphones or moles but with doubt. 

“Can you sell it, Jim?” asks a serious Smiley.

Jim is still catching up. Smiley looks at his face. The pupils race from side to side. Then, the eyebrows converge. Next, there is a frown and then, finally, a smirk. Jim looks up and says “Yes, George. I can sell it. I’m sure I can”. 

“You, Budapest, Moscow, Karla. That’s the plan. Yes?”

“Yes, George”. 

They stand for a moment, each arriving at his own estimate of success. Jim thinks 70%. Smiley thinks 3%. He shakes Jim’s hand and adds “Moscow Rules, Jim. No one in the Circus or out. Radio silence. Chalk and wood”. Translation- don’t tell anyone, inside the organization or out. You will have no support if things turn sour. To communicate with the Circus, use chalk to draw signs on agreed landmarks. 

Jim nods and walks off. 

George heads back to the party. “Percy Alleline! You fucking Scott! Can you not take orders” asks an inebriated Control. “This punch tastes like piss!”

May 1st, 1965, 11:00

Smiley walks into Control’s office. Control is alone. By order. He stinks of the barley. And the cigarettes. His cough is worse. Phlegm has turned to spots of blood. On the desk is a picture, decorated with a gold frame. It’s a portrait of Hitler with the inscription- “To George. With All My Love.”  

“Jim couldn’t sell it” says Smiley as he takes a seat.

“We should have used Bill Hayden” coughs Control who throws the picture on the ground. “Hayden would have fucked the doubt into Moscow’s mind”. 

More coughs, more Whiskey. “They are circling George. Which one do you think will get it? The Circus?”

Smiley straightens his vest and adjusts his glasses. 

“Not even that dog Esterhase will stay loyal now, eh George?”

“Yes.”

“But the Circus, George. The Circus should endure”.

“Yes”.

“How many?” asks Control. 

Smiley locks hands and looks to the side. 

“How many George?”. Control’s plan has changed. He wants to know how many loose ends exist, how many people know that the Fuhrer lives, how many know that the Circus has the information and how many could use this information against the Circus. Hitler lives. How? Where? When? Who? All these questions will follow. How did England only learn of this now? Where is Hitler at the moment? Who helped him escape, or knew that he had escaped? The answers will shred the Circus. Not directly of course. First the politicians will need a scapegoat. Then the vultures within will turn on Control. Then the journalists will ask about America. 

“And we can’t afford that George. Not now. Not when we have access to the Americans’ tradecraft. We embarrass the Americans now and we’ll all be out, in the cold. So, how many?”

“Eight”.

“Me, you, Prideaux…”

-“Esterhase was in the car. The Israeli agent, Eli Cohen. His two handlers in Switzerland- a man and a woman. And his handler in Israel”.

Control sits back and takes the Whiskey, yet he coughs half of it on the table. “So four”. 

“Yes”, says Smiley. Prideaux is loyal. Esterhase could still be threatened into loyalty.

Control takes a pen out of his pocket and unscrews the cap. The sound is hard to bear, the squeaky sound of ancient metal. Control then opens a file, looks at the paper and says “I leave it with you George”. Control reads on for a few minutes, yet Smiley does not leave the room. Using the pen, Control makes notes at margins of the file. “Objection noted George”, says Control, moving from one page to the next. 

Later That Day

“I’m looking for a soviet, Connie”.

“I have them” she laughs, nervously. Connie is the sweet and oval archivists, the navigator of the Soviet State. The only one who knows all the men running all the operations. 

“One that is approachable, Connie. One that might accept some help without asking questions”.

“Good George. Here in London?” she assumes. 

“No,” says Smiley, hands in pocket. 

“Budapest again?” guesses Connie. It’s a sign. She is signaling Smiley she hears all and knows all. All information runs through her. She knows that Prideaux was sent to Hungary and that he failed.  

“No Connie. Damascus. How soon can you get me a name?”

“Two days” she smiles. 

“One”.

“Only for you George. And what will you do once you have the name?”, asks Connie. Smiley never answers Connie’s questions. But today he is emotional. “I will betray our allies and give the Soviets the name of an Israeli spy in Syria so that he may be killed and Control may be saved. A name Connie. Any Soviet name will do”. 

Connie turns white. But unlike Esterhase, she is always loyal. Willing to die for Control, or the man that Control once was. 

May 18th, 1965, 10:45

Smiley lights a cigarette and puts in the ashtray. Then he turns on the wireless as the BBC announces that Eli Cohen will soon be hanged in Damascus. He hears Cohen’s wife speaking to the press in Paris. Thick smoke rises from the ashtray. Smiley closes the wireless. He steps out of the Circus and walks home already forgetting that the Fuhrer is alive and well.     

A Real Life Saver

White House Tape # 1134:

Haldeman: – an interrogation, which he did, and that- the FBI guys working the case had concluded that there were one or two possibilities: One that this [Watergate Break-in] was a White House… they don’t think that there’s anything about the Election Committee [The Committee to Re-Elect the President]. They think it was either a White House operation that had some obscure reasons for it, non-political-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: Or it was-

President Nixon: Cubans-

Haldeman: The Cubans and the CIA. And after their interrogation of-

President Nixon: Colson [Charles Colson, Special Council to the President].

Haldeman: Colson, yesterday they concluded it was not White House, so they are now convinced it is a CIA thing. So the CIA turnoff-

President Nixon: Will I [unclear] Helmes [unclear] get that closely involved.

Haldeman: No Sir. We don’t want you to.

President Nixon: You call him. Good. Good Deal. Play it tough. That’s the way they [FBI] play it and that’s the way we’re gonna play it.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir. Now on another matter-

President Nixon: The Committee [Committee to Re-Elect the President]

Haldeman: No, Sir. The Israelis were here yesterday-

[Rest of Conversation Classified by the Department of Justice]

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Haldeman: And they want us to speak with Justice [The Department of Justice] about investigating a possible Nazi living here.

President Nixon: In the White House? [Laughs]

Haldeman: [Unclear]…No, no. In the US

President Nixon: A Nazi?

Haldeman: Yes, Sir. They think they’ve tracked a Nazi collaborator to Cleveland, Ohio

President Nixon: You mean they have been running their own dog and pony show [intelligence operations] here? In America?

Haldeman: No. No, Sir. They received a tip and they want us to follow up on it.

President Nixon: Well it’s always something with these guys.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: It’s always something.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: I mean, if it’s not weapons then it’s Nazis.

Haldeman: Mm-hmm.

President Nixon: Well, who is it?

Haldeman: The Israelis think that-

President Nixon: That we’re harboring Nazis?

Haldeman: It’s a man called John Demjanjuk. Or [Unclear]… Ivan Demanyuk. He’s a Ford auto-worker up in Cleveland

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: And they received a tip that he’s actually someone called Ivan the Terrible

President Nixon: Ivan the Terrible [Unclear]. That’s a good nickname.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: I guess the FBI wouldn’t push me around if I was ‘Nixon the Terrible’.

Haldeman: No, Sir.

President Nixon: No. Well, what do we know about this Jyvan?

Haldeman: Ivan, Sir.   

Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: Not much, Sir. He immigrated from the Ukraine after the war. He received citizenship because he passed the-

President Nixon: The INS [Immigration and Naturalization Service]

Haldeman: Yes, Sir and-

President Nixon: So. He’s an American. They can’t go chasing down Americans.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: You tell them that.

Haldeman: Well-

President Nixon: Does he pay taxes?

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: Has he been to jail?

Haldeman: No, Sir-

President Nixon: Well that’s that than.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: He’s an American. Tell Meir’s people [Golda Meier, Prime Minister of Israel] they can’t go chasing down Americans.

Haldeman: Sir-

President Nixon: I have enough trouble trying to run a country with this mess [Watergate] I don’t need Nazi hunters running around [Unclear]… trying to arrest people in Cleveland. Tell them to look for Nazis down south [South America].

Haldeman: Sir, he’s on the list, though.

Nixon: List?

Haldeman: Justice [The Department of Justice] has a list of immigrants who were possible Nazi collaborators and he’s on it-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: And this is the kind of thing Justice could use against us.

President Nixon: So what did this Jyvan do?

Haldeman: Well if the Israelis have it right- they have a file- then he was a concentration camp guard.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: And he operated some gas chambers.

President Nixon: Well… All right then you just-

Haldeman: Keep this away from Justice?

President Nixon: That’s right, you just keep away from Justice.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: But keep this away from Henry [Kissinger].

Haldeman: Sir-

President Nixon: Cause he’s in here every day telling me it raining-

Haldeman: Yes-

President Nixon: But it’s actually Henry [Kissinger] pissing on my back.

Haldeman: [Unclear] Yes Sir-

President Nixon: And I don’t need him pissing on my back right now.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

White House Tape # 1221:

Secretary: I have Dr. Kissinger now, Mr. President

President Nixon: Yeah

Secretary: Thank you.

Kissinger: Mr. President-

President Nixon: Henry, are you in New York or here [the White House]?

Kissinger: No I’m here [the White House].

President Nixon: Yeah, so what’s…what’s new this morning?

Kissinger: Ah, nothing of great consequence [Unclear]. In fact, there’s nothing really going on. The Chinese keep meeting with the Russians.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: But not with us.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: So, that’s the problem.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: Mr. President, I got a call yesterday from Mrs. Meier [Golda Meier, Prime Minister of Israel]

[Rest of Conversation Classified by the Department of Justice]

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: And she wanted to know if there was any progress with the investigation?

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Kissinger: So I said ‘what investigation?’ and she said something about a war criminal-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Kissinger: And I said I would ask you because I-

President Nixon: Yeah. Now, Henry you tell her that we looked into it and we aren’t going to proceed.

Kissinger: Yes, but-

President Nixon: You just tell her that.

Kissinger: Well-

President Nixon: This is not something I’m going to peruse.

Kissinger: Well she told me that this was a real priority for them-

President Nixon: Well not now.

Kissinger: Sir?

President Nixon: It’s not a priority for me, now.

Kissinger: Well, the thing is-

President Nixon: We don’t know anything about this man.

Kissinger: Well they do.

President Nixon: I mean all we know is that he lives in Cleveland.

Kissinger: Well they do, Mr. President. They know about him.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: And if this gets out-

President Nixon: What?

Kissinger: That he’s here, in America-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Kissinger: I mean if this gets out this could reflect quite badly on us.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: I’m not talking about the Jews.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: I’m talking about the media.

President Nixon: Yeah. Yeah.

Kissinger: If it gets out that we knew, and did nothing-

President Nixon: Yeah. Well you just tell her [Golda Meier, Prime Minister of Israel] this is not my priority-

Kissinger: Well Sir, I think that this is the kind of thing that she [Meier] would appreciate you see, personally.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Kissinger: So this thing is leverage-

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And we need leverage to mover her [Meier] on the Egypt issue-

President Nixon: You think so?

Kissinger: Well yes, Mr. President. This could be Golda’s Eichmann.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And after China this is the next issue.

President Nixon: You mean Egypt.

Kissinger: Yes, Sir. This could press the Russians-

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: Press Russians out of the region. And you know it’s raining now in the Middle East.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: I mean the tensions are mounting.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: So I think we should think about this.

President Nixon: Well I don’t know much about this-

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: Because they talked to Haldeman [H.R. Haldeman, White House Chief of Staff].

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: So you talk to Haldeman and you get back to me.

Kissinger: Yes, Sir.

Nixon Tape # 1251:

Haldeman: Now, on that investigation, you know the Democratic break-in thing, we’re back to the problem area because the FBI is not under control, because Gary doesn’t know exactly how to control them, and they have- their investigation is now leading into some productive areas. Because they’ve been able to trace the money, not through the money itself, but through the bank-you know sources, the banker himself. And…and it goes in some directions we don’t want it to go. And the-

President Nixon: The Cuban thing-

Haldeman: Yes, the Cuban story. The problem is that the FBI now has this banker and it’s leading them away from the Cubans and CIA-

President Nixon: Story.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir. And so we-

President Nixon: So they’re perusing this new banker angle.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir. And the problem is that we have more and more people being involved now-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: So we are losing our ability- you know from here in the White House- we are losing our ability to control this thing.

President Nixon: Yeah. You know what the problem is-

Haldeman: Sir?

President Nixon: They [FBI] have too much time.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: They just have too much god-dammed time on their hands-

Haldeman: Yeah

President Nixon: So all they can do is look into this thing [Watergate Break-in].

Haldeman: Well that’s my concern.

[Rest of Conversation Classified by Department of Justice]

President Nixon: So I want you to talk to Dean [John Dean, White House Council]

Haldeman: Yes-

President Nixon: And I want Dean to go the FBI, and tell them about this Jyvan fellow.

Haldeman: Sir?

President Nixon: The Nazi-

Haldeman: Oh [Unclear]… Demanyuk.

President Nixon: The Nazi the Israelis are talking about.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: And I want Dean [John Dean] to light a real fire under their asses, you see.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: I want the FBI to find out everything they can about this guy.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: Because this administration isn’t just goanna let some Nazi roam around free.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: I mean we have a moral-

Haldeman: Obligation

President Nixon: Obligation that’s right. A moral oblation to find out about this fellow.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

Nixon: Because this isn’t Russia where mass murders walk around free.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: I mean this could be a whole can of worms. Who knows how many Nazis are up there.

Haldeman: In Cleveland?

President Nixon: Yeah. And Justice [The Department of Justice] can’t do it.

Haldeman: Sir?

President Nixon: ‘Cause they knew about this fella all along. From that List.

Haldeman: That’s right.

President Nixon: And I don’t care if this Nazi works for Ford, or General Motors or the White House.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: I want him looked at-

Haldeman: Thoroughly

President Nixon: Thoroughly. Now where are we on Colson [Charles Colson, Special Council to the President]?

Haldeman: Well we assume that he will be deposed again soon.

President Nixon: Well that’s a problem.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir because-

President Nixon: Because I want him to fly to Israel.

Haldeman: Sir?

President Nixon: I want to him to go over and talk to the Israelis. I want him to look at the dammed files. I mean the Israeli know more about this Nazi then we do.

Haldeman: That’s right.

President Nixon: That’s right. And no FBI deposition can get in the way of this.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: And you know that I can’t send Henry [Kissinger].

Haldeman: Aha.

President: Because he’s too close to the whole thing.

Haldeman: The break-in.

President Nixon: The Holocaust.

Haldeman: Yeah.

President Nixon: So if Henry [Kissinger] can’t go, Colson [Charles Colson] should go. 

Haldeman: Yeah.

President Nixon: So our focus now is not this Cuban thing but this Nazi guy.

Haldeman: That’s right.

Nixon Tape #1432:

President Nixon: Well, rather hard day, wasn’t it?

Kissinger: Well, I mean it was hard for you-

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: I didn’t know you had made the statement you did until the evening.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And I think it’s amazing how you conducted the meeting this morning

President Nixon: And then going through the evening-

Kissinger: And then going through the evening.

President Nixon: The problem I have is that I can’t look at this [Watergate Break-in] the detached way I should. I mean these people are yelling ‘throw them out and go on’. Just personal things… I mean god-dammed. I think of these good men [Unclear].

Kissinger: Who wanted to do the right thing.

President Nixon: I mean its goanna splash all over them. And eh…anyway…

Kissinger: Well I think the way you have positioned it now is the right way to do it.

President Nixon: I mean they want me to announce that I’ll fire Haldeman [H.R. Haldeman, White House Chief of Staff] and Ehrlichman [John Ehrlichman, Assistant to the President for Domestic Affairs] without waiting until… the real culprit is Mitchell of course [John Mitchell, Chairman of 1972 Presidential Campaign], he was in charge of the whole god-dammed thing and John Mitchell should step up like a man and say ‘Look, I was in-charge and I take the responsibility, period.’

Kissinger: Exactly. All the more so now that he’s doing the opposite.

President Nixon: No… they’re gonna get them.

Kissinger: Well, I think firing Haldeman would make him the villain.

President Nixon: Well, in the end he’ll probably have to go Henry. They’re gonna…you know… rip him up good.

Kissinger: Well, if that’s the case then he should get out before.

President Nixon: Not until I have absolute evidence. I’m not gonna fire a guy on the basis of a charge made by Dean who’s basically trying to save his ass…and get immunity, you see. That’s why I had that phrase in there; that no immunity should be granted to a [unclear] person. I mean he’s got no right to do that.

Kissinger: I mean, I think that’s outrageous. I don’t think you would have improved the situation if you would have suddenly, without any preparation, turned on all your associates.

President Nixon: Yup.

Kissinger: And eh…

President Nixon: Well, we have two or three rough months ahead. It’s gonna be real rough…

Kissinger: Now the major thing now, Mr. President, if I may say so, is to protect the Presidency and your authority.

President Nixon: It’s gonna be hard because some of these people will even piss on the President if they think it will help them.

Kissinger: Well-

President Nixon: And i’m the only one of the whole bunch who didn’t know a god-dammed thing about it until March when I finally said -well here it is. What you should have done months ago.

Kissinger: They [Unclear] got deeper and deeper.

President Nixon: That’s right.

Kissinger: But I think the absolute thing is to protect-

President Nixon: Well if we can-then we can. And if we can’t-then what the hell…

Kissinger: We can, we can Mr. President

President Nixon: I’ve even considered the possibility of, frankly, just throwing myself on the sword and saying what the hell.

Kissinger: No, no, Mr. President. With all due respect that can’t even be considered.

[Rest of Conversation Classified by Department of Justice]

President Nixon: I mean the real problem is that dammed Kat Graham [Owner of the Washington Post].

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: I mean it’s her paper that ruining…

Kissinger: Lives.

President Nixon: Yup, lives…of good men.

Kissinger: Exactly.

President Nixon: All she needs is something to bite her teeth into…something that isn’t this god-dammed break-in [Watergate Break-in]

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: Because once the papers leave this, so will the FBI.

Kissinger: …

President Nixon: All I need is some time, god dammed it. Henry have you heard from the Israelis?

Kissinger: You mean about Sadat [Anwar Sadat, President of Egypt]?

President Nixon: No, no, I mean about their Nazi. The one they found in Cleveland. Haldeman thinks the FBI will get interested in this Nazi if the Israelis request extradition.  

Kissinger: Well, I think they’re really rattled over there.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: You know they’re pretty certain that he’s going to attack.

President Nixon: The Nazi?

Kissinger: No Sir, Sadat.

President Nixon: Oh, yeah. Well can this Nazi thing pressure her [Golda Meier]?

Kissinger: I don’t think so. Now it’s different.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: Now she’s [Golda Meier, Prime Minister of Israel] preoccupied.

President Nixon: Well it’s a good story Henry…

Kissinger: Sir?

President Nixon: I mean if we get this Nazi-

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: It’s a good story. I mean we’ve never found a Nazi in America.

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: So, what do you think?

Kissinger: About what?

President Nixon: Should we grab him? This Demanyuk fella? I mean we can still arrest him, can’t we? And if Justice [the Department of Justice] decides to indict him, then we may be looking at a lengthy trial. Before extradition.

Kissinger: …

President Nixon: Very lengthy. I mean this could be Nuremberg all over again.

Kissinger: Well the problem is that they’re not sure…

President Nixon: In Israel?

Kissinger: Yes, in Israel.

President Nixon: Sure that it’s the guy?

Kissinger: No, no. They know it’s the guy. I mean they identified him. They flew in a Holocaust survivor.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And he positively identified the guy as the Nazi.

President Nixon: Well…what are waiting for? Let’s grab him.

Kissinger: But now the Israelis don’t want him.

President Nixon: Well why the hell not? Didn’t he kill them?

Kissinger: Well Meier [Golda Meier] feels it would be a distraction.

President Nixon: Distraction? It’s brining a man to justice, Henry.

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: I mean justice has to be served, Henry.

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: Always. Justice has to be served.

Kissinger: But Meier knows that if Sadat does attacks it will be bloody.

President Nixon: Yeah

Kissinger: I mean she told me they expect thousands of causalities

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: They’re in a tight spot.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And she needs the Israeli press on her side to justify a war.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: And to justify her decision not meet Sadat and avert a war.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: So Meier doesn’t want any distractions.

President Nixon: Ah…Yeah…Well, Henry, talk to her again.

Kissinger: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: And tell her we’re ready to do the right thing here.

Kissinger: Yes, Mr. President.

President Nixon: I mean, if the Israelis want him, then this Demanyuk could be a real life saver-

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: A real life saver. He could buy us a lot of time….

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: Yeah. He could do some good for a change…

Kissinger: Yes, Sir.

[End Tape]

A Toothache

The dentist’s office was white. Its walls were painted white, the waiting chairs were all white and a white nurse, wearing a white hat, was seated behind a white desk. Even Hitler, hanging on the wall, was wearing a white trench coat. When the doctor emerged from his office he warmly greeted the boy and his father. Just as they were about to enter the clinic a woman waiting in line blurted “Dr. Schwarz! You cannot treat that boy. I know him. He’s Jewish”.

“Is he”? asked the doctor. 

“Of course not” chuckled the father. “The boy is one quarter Jewish once removed. Jewish by marriage. Strictly kosher under the Nuremberg Laws, if you will excuse the pun”. 

“Okeydokey” replied the delighted doctor.

“No, that’s no longer true” protested the woman. “Doctors can only treat one quarter Jews once removed if their parents have special dispensation. I should know. I read the papers” she said with pride. 

-“No, that’s also wrong ” replied a third man wearing a pointy hat and holding a golden cigarette lighter. “The doctor can only treat the boy if the father has a special wartime dispensation.”

“A-ok”, smiled the Doctor and asked “Do you have a special dispensation?”

-“Oh yes. I won the Iron Cross in the Somme”. 

“The Somme! Hunky dory! Now, let’s look at that tooth!”

“No! No!”, protested the woman yet again, stomping her right foot. “WWI is no longer regarded as wartime dispensation. It’s because of them we lost that war in the first place. Besides” she shrugged her shoulders, “it goes according to the mother. If he is one quarter Jewish by his mother, then he can’t be treated by German doctors”.

“She’s right”, nodded a fat woman wearing a purple headscarf. “It goes according to the mother. My ladies doctor told me that it actually goes by the mother’s mother. If the bitch is a Jew than so is all the litter”.

“Yes I see. Well, this is a bit of a pickle” surmised the doctor. 

-“What’s holding up the line” yelled an old man in the back. “I’ve been waiting for hours”. 

The father then explained that the mother’s mother was also Jewish by marriage so the “boy is one sixteenth Jewish once removed on his mother’s side with no Jewish blood”.

“Well then. That’s that” exclaimed Doctor Schwarz clapping his hands. 

“I don’t think so” quarreled the man in the pointy hat trying to recall a memo he had recently read. Taking a drag from his cigarette he explained, “If the mother is one quarter Jewish, even by marriage, then the boy can’t be treated in a German clinic unless the marriage has been annulled. I should know”, he told the protesting woman, “I work at the department of transport”.

-“Huh”, she replied, “everyone’s an expert. Oh these laws are so silly! Just label them all Jews and be done with it”.

“She’s right”, agreed the fat woman. “Who has time to go look up every patient’s mother’s mother? The lines at my ladies doctor have become so long! So long! And sometimes I have such a rash down there.”

The old man now stood and yelled again “What’s the hold up. I’m in agony”. 

-“We’re all in agony” replied the fat woman moving uneasily in her chair adding “such a rash down there”.

The Doctor smiled and, placing his hands on the boy’s shoulders, yelled “we think this boy is Jewish”.

The old man yelled back “You think he is a blowfish?” 

“No, no” laughed the doctor and said aloud “Jew-ish. We think we have a Jew-ish”

The helpless doctor looked around and commented “Well this is a mess”. He then asked the nurse if she happened to have a copy of the Nuremberg Laws? The nurse tilted her head, raised her eyebrow and peered into the doctor’s eyes as if to say “Bitch, Please”.

“Is there a lawyer in the room?” asked the Doctor finally. To his surprise, the old man raised his hand and came forward limping and shaking violently. White, short hairs covered his lower face and he was wearing a torn jacket. “I’m a lawyer”, he said slowly.

The doctor pointed and said “This boy’s mother’s mother is one quarter Jewish by marriage and his father has a WWI special dispensation. Can I treat him?” 

The old man looked down at the boy, stroked his right cheek and asked kindly “Do you have a toothache?”

“Yes” whispered the boy.

“There doctor. Now you can treat him” said the old man.

Watch Your Step

Walking behind the two officers, Max Ernst admired their tilted hats. SS officers, himself included, always tilted their hats. It was a brand that distinguished them for all other German officers. Being a former marketing executive, Ernst could appreciate the value of a brand. The two officers took Ernst and his attaché into a large, unimpressive building. A building with no distinct features but those found within its four walls. They passed through a ‘waiting room’ and a ‘hair room’ until finally they arrived at a massive steel door. Beyond it lay a large room filled only with shower heads.

-“There”, said one of the SS officers. “That’s the door to the gas chamber. That’s the problem. Fix it”. The officers turned around and existed the building.

“Well?”, asked Ernst.

-“Well what?”

“Well does it look scary?”

“It’s the entrance to a gas chamber! Of course it looks scary” answered the attaché sitting down on the stairs. He then took a bite from an apple that echoed throughout the empty chamber.

“Yes, but the whole point is to make it less scary so that people gladly walk in” insisted a frustrated Ernst.

“You expect people to waltz into to a gas chamber?” asked the attaché taking another bite from his apple. The attaché was the newest recruit in the SS’s Jewish Affairs Department. Ernst was asked to ‘show him the ropes’ but wished he could show him the door.

“It’s all in the presentation”, argued the former marketing executive. “If they don’t think it’s a gas chamber they won’t mind going in”.

“Well how on earth can you mask a death trap like a gas chamber?”

“Through marketing” explained Ernst now examining the empty chamber. “That’s what marketers do. Why marketers get people into death traps like cars and trams all the time. They even get kids to go fight the Russians. What we need now is a marketing slogan, a way to get people into this particular death trap. One that already looks like a shower, albeit a cold one”.

The two men grew silent and only the echo of the apple could be heard. Ernst leaned on the gas chamber’s door while the attaché, now half way through the apple, placed his elbows on the steps and reclined comfortably.

“A sign!” yelled Ernst slightly startling the attaché. “That’s what we need. A sign. A sign you would not expect to find outside a death trap. A sign that hangs in the entrance to a shower”. Ernst picked up a pad of paper, removed a pencil from behind his ear and quickly scribbled something. He then turned the pad and, like a boy seeking validation from his father, asked “How about- Welcome?”.

-“Welcome?” repeated the attaché. “It doesn’t sound very German. Or very SS-like. Since when do we welcome Jews? Anywhere? It sounds like a hoax” concluded the young recruit with little interest. He then threw the apple stem into the chamber and used a nail to dislodge some pieces of fruit that desperately clung to his teeth. 

“Good point. What about a simple This way please”. Ernst added a small arrow to the pad of paper. ”It’s short and not too patronizing”.

The attaché paused for a moment and looked at the pad. “That’s better, I think. But this is a one way assembly line, isn’t it?”.

“Yup” replied an enthused Ernst. He was now in his element. He could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins as he sought to solve the puzzle in front of him. He relished the opportunity to exchange ideas, to try different approaches, to draft a phrase and erase it only to draft it again until finally reaching the ecstasy of a solution. “It’s a one-way assembly line. From the waiting room, to the hair room, to the gas chamber and finally to the furnace”. 

-“So it’s a redundant sign. Obviously people will ‘walk this way’. German signs are never redundant. They convey the exact amount of information necessary. Like ‘Rouse’, or ‘Schnell’ or ‘Halt’.

Ernst paced back and forth as the attaché asked “Why all the fuss? Those two officers said that these chambers has been working perfectly for months”.

-“Rumors. The Jews are expecting to be gassed. It makes them hesitant to enter the chamber. So the gassing takes longer meaning this camp doesn’t meet its daily deaths quota. That’s why we’re here and that’s why this room is no longer a scary gas chamber but a friendly, familiar, shower. A nice bath after a long train ride. See, the room is already fitted with shower heads. Just as you’d expect”.

The attaché smiled. “Is the water hot?”

-“Boiling”. They both laughed for a moment. “The shower heads look good but this entrance door to the chamber, this steel monster is too daunting. SS architects have no flair for design. Nor a mind for marketing for that matter”.

“But they get the job done quickly” quarreled the attaché hoping to go back to the hotel and get some rest. “And you have been looking at this door for an hour without making any progress”.

“You can’t rush the creative process” explained Ernst, his eyes fixed on the steel door. “Inspiration takes her time. You know how long it took us to design the ‘Go East’ campaign. Coming up with the ‘relocation to the East’ slogan and creating logos and fake map for the Jews standing in the Ghetto deportation squares. Now that was a challenge! Getting Jews to eagerly board trains headed for this very chamber. No. This door is not a challenge” he said out loud sensing the solution was nearby. “No. This door is just a roadblock. All I need is a bit of inspiration”.

-“More like perspiration. Why is it so bloody hot down here” asked the attaché no longer wearing his jacket.


“The furnace. They keep it running day and night”.

Now the attaché smiled recalling “One of the officers told me that that’s the difference between Santa Clause and a Jew. One climbs down the chimney and exits through the door while the other enters through the door and exits up the chimney. Maybe we need a sign that says ‘after shower proceed to sauna’?”

A bit thick, thought Ernst. “No. But you are right. We need something short and pithy. Something simple like ‘ice cold’ or ‘homeward bound’. Something that drives the senses or steers emotions. How about…”

Silence took root. Not an awkward silence but a tense one. The attaché could actually sense it. He could smell the change in chemistry, touch the energy now occupying the space between the two men. Finally, Ernst turned around, smiled and simply said “Watch your step”.

“Watch your step?!” blurted the confused attaché.

-“Well if you are about to be killed no one would care where you stepped”, said Ernst, sitting beside the attaché. “And if you are going to live, the last thing we Germans want is for you to get injured”. 

“But what does it actually mean? How does it drive those ‘senses’ and ‘emotions’ of yours?”

The former marketing executive laughed. This was the beauty of marketing, he thought. That even a fellow marketer fails to interpret the message at first.

“Watch your step. It means… we care about you. It means you have value. It means you are a human being. Yes…Watch Your Step. That’s what you’d expect to read in the entrance to a shower.”

-“You mean a gas chamber”.

I Have Another Call

“Elders of Zion, how may I direct your call?”, asked the elderly women, sitting in front of a switchboard in Brooklyn.

“Hello? Hello?”, answered the man from Berlin, amazed to receive a response. “I need to speak to someone about Germany”.

“Sir please speak up”, insisted the woman in Brooklyn, “the line is poor”.

“I need to speak to someone about Germany!”

“Please hold for Rabbi Levi” replied the receptionist, effortlessly moving cables across the massive switchboard.

“Yes?” asked the elderly Rabbi, his white beard riddled with cream cheese.

“They’re killing Jews!”

-“What?”

“Their killing Jews! In Germany!” said the frantic man.

“Eh. What else is new? Rochale! Rochale!” roared the Rabbi at the switchboard, “Where is the lux?”

“What?! Elders of Zion, how may I direct your call?”

“Where is the lux?!” cried the distressed Rabbi Levi “This bagel is dry!”.

“It’s on the table, Rabbi. On the right! Elders of Zion, how may I direct your call?”

“Their killing Jews in Germany!” pleaded the caller from across the Atlantic.

“Well, what do you want us to do about it?”

“You run the economy don’t you?” begged the caller.

“We have made certain investments in certain banks”.

“Then cripple Germany’s economy”.

“What are you, a mishugas!” wondered the Rabbi. “Germany is one of our biggest export markets. Rochale, who is this on the phone?”

“Then boycott arms sales to Germany!” suggested the caller.

“Nisht Gut” answered the Rabbi as another piece of lux disappeared into his gut. “It’s one of our most profitable enterprises. And the bandages”.

“What?!”

“The ban-da-ges! We are selling the Germans millions of bandages. All across Europe”.

“Then get America into the war!”

“Oy. Rochale, this uber chuchem wants us to get America into the war”. Rochale laughed all the while connecting the many calls. “We need the politicians in our pockets” explained Rabbi Levi. “How do you think we run the whorehouses up in Harlem?”

“Then send us food! We need food!”

“Hey! What do you think this is? Some Kosher catering service. We’re running a business here. Not a charity”.

“Help us! Please!” pleaded the man from another world.

“I’m sorry, I have another call”.

The Adventures of the Fiery Steed Black Shadow

He was not eager to join the war. Not that he was afraid of fighting. Or at least he did not think that he was afraid of fighting. Rather, he knew that his talents lay elsewhere and the Reich, in its brilliance, soon recognized those talents. Specifically, his aptitude for personal detachment. He could write of death and suffering without giving pause to think of those reading his words, or those he wrote of. He was therefore given the task of composing telegrams bearing news of sons lost in battle or soldiers robbed of their limbs. His first posting was in a Battalion command in Western Poland. Each morning, he would receive a list of casualties and, true to the military’s template, would offer families little information about how their sons died.

Dear Madam Berthold,

I regret to inform you that your son, Fritz, died in battle on September 10th, 1939. Rest assured that his death was not in vain, but part of our nation’s struggle for independence.

Yours,

Ellois Goering,

Commander, 6th Infantry Battalion.

By week’s end, he comprised 100 telegrams. By the month’s end, he had comprised 500. His fast typing was music to the commander’s ears as he was, by far, the fastest typist in the steno pool. Not that he was counting. In the evenings he would retreat to the canteen and eat a bowl of soup with dry bread. The other soldiers did not converse with him, which was not surprising. His detachment had often resulted in seclusion. Little did he know that he was referred to by all as the ‘Grin Reaper’, owing to the perpetual grin on his face.

In 1940 he was dispatched to Denmark and then Norway. There he began smoking, not out of style but out of boredom. Like typing, he excelled at smoking and with a cigarette hanging from his lower lip he continued to write dozens of telegram. Later, he was sent to Belgium. While some of his peers had been seconded to fighting units, he remained in place averaging 100 telegrams per day pausing only for his dry bread and his lonely bed.

He did not see Brussels or stroll down the streets of Copenhagen. He did not marvel at the speed of the Panzers or rejoice in the victories of the Luftwaffe. He did his duty, and payed little attention to the world.

With the commencement of operation Barbarossa, he was dispatched to the Eastern Front. At first there were few telegrams to write and over the course of several weeks a certain levity entered his heart. The steno pool was quiet in those first few days. Sitting in front of his silenced typewriter, awaiting grim news, he had time to think. This was a strange sensation as he had usually kept himself busy. At home, he delved into books, or read academic journals in preparation for his law degree. Yet Russia offered little books or open universities. And so he sat and pondered. First, he wondered if Germans could ever acclimate to the Russian weather. Next, he thought of the horses enlisted to war, facing the same artillery shells as humans yet without choosing to do so or understanding why they were fighting.

He then delved into a potent day dream about a horse rebellion that crippled the German offense. It begun with Black Shadow, a fiery steed responsible for carrying large cannons from one village to the next. Haunted by the images of death and mayhem around him, Black Shadow broke free of his reigns, and under heavy fire, escaped to a nearby forest. Refusing to leave his compatriots behind, Black Shadow used the cover of darkness to approach other horses carrying tank shells, or food or the bodies of dead Germans. Fearing their masters’ whips, the horses initially refused to join Black Shadow. Yet the tales of his exploits, and the dream of freedom, soon turned Black Shadow to legend. Racing faster than steno poll typists, Black Shadow visited units spread across the European frontier amassing an army of black and white horses. At first, they were ten, then they were twenty and eventually, Black Shadow was leading the largest revolt in military history, eclipsing that of Spartacus. Midway through another daring horse rescue by Black Shadow, a soldier entered the steno pool with a short causality list.

Ready to pounce at the keys in front of him he suddenly drew back. If horses and slaves could rebel, maybe he could as well.

Dear Madam Frank,

I regret to inform you that your son, Alfred, died in battle on July 6th, 1941. Trapped within a forested area, and surrounded by Bolshevik tanks, Alfred stormed the enemy’s position killing three soldiers and single handedly demolishing a Bolshevik armored vehicle. Alas, Alfred was then struck by a bolt of lightning killing him instantly. Please rest assured that your son’s death was not in vain as his heroic exploits saved the lives of many of his counterparts.

Germany remains forever in your debt.

Yours,

Arthur Frick,

Commander, 5th Infantry Battalion

As smoke rose from the ashtray, he inspected the telegram and placed in the pile of outgoing mail. Evening came with little warning. In the canteen, he ate a bowl of soup but passed on the dry bread. Exalted, he exited the barracks and sat under the night’s sky. A rare moment of silence followed and grinning, he dozed off.

He awoke to sound of nearby explosions. Unphased, as these had become part of daily life, he entered the steno pool where a list of causalities was awaiting.

Dear Frau Rosenberg,

I regret to inform you that your son, Joachim, died on the night of July 7th, 1941. Tasked with conquering a radio station, Joachim led a detachment of soldiers into enemy territory, with only his personal weapon to protect him. Storming the radio station, Joachim heroically took the life of a Bolshevik General and his mistress, a Prima Ballerina in the Bolshoi. It is hard to imagine that the Bolshoi will ever recover from this loss, especially this late in the ballet season. Regrettably, that same night, Joachim contracted a violent cold and was put to death by his unit’s physician. Rest assured that your son’s actions have saved the lives of countless Germans.

I remain forever in your debt,

Arthur Fink,

Commander, 5th Infantry Battalion

He reviewed the telegram, nodded and quickly moved on.

Dear Frau Funk,

It is with a heavy heart that I write to inform of your son’s death on this July 7th, 1941. Although Alfred did not die on the battlefield his death has struck a devastating blow to the enemy. When visiting a small Ukrainian village, Alfred drew the attention of a young Ukrainian women named Mila. Faced with death, and the prospects of winter, Alfred and Mila made passionate love to one another. Just as they were climaxing, Mila’s father entered her room to find his one and only daughter being deflowered by a German officer. Mila’s father reached for his pistol and shot his daughter, your son and finally, himself. What your son did not know was that Mila’s father was high-ranking operative in the Russian security services. In his death, Alfred has all but ensured the collapse of the Russian front.

I hope you find solace in the knowledge that your son met his death in the arms of a beautiful woman; albeit a Slav.

We all remain in your debt,

Arthur Fink,

Commander, 5th Infantry Battalion

P.S. Attached to this telegram please find your son’s personal belongings, including a packet of unused prophylactics.

Over the next few weeks, he advanced further and further into Russia and the recess of his mind. By August of 1941 he had perfected his writing skills.

Dear Frau Bormann,

It is with a heavy heart that I write to inform you of your son Hermann’s death on this day, August 11th, 1941. Hermann was beloved by his soldiers and commanders alike, not least because of his massive phallus. Late last night, Hermann’s unit came under intensive artillery fire. With little regard for his own safety, Hermann seized the enemy’s cannon and stuck his large phallus into its barrel. Soon, the cannon exploded killing several enemy soldiers as well as Hermann. Rest assured that Hermann’s actions have crippled the enemy’s front lines and allowed our own forces to advance towards Moscow.

Germany will not soon forget your son’s phallus.

On behalf of a grateful nation,

Franz Kietel,

Commander, 5th Infantry Battalion

By November of 1941, the causality lists began to grow as his daily average of telegrams declined. There were not enough hours in the day to describe the daring exploits of fallen German soldiers. On December 6th, he started new a telegram. Yet when he noticed the soldier’s name, and the woman he was addressing he turned white. They matched those of his own brother and mother. He left his desk and entered his superior’s office. Placing the causality list on the table, he quietly asked whether the 4th Panzer Unit had sustained any casualties. He then learned that the entire unit was destroyed when accidentally entering a minefield. “It was pure carnage”, uttered the superior. “Wherever they turned they met mines. Not one of them survived”.

He was not close to his brother. He was glued to him. They were made of the same tissue. His brother was the one person that he cared for, the one person that he loved. They had shared the same womb, entered the world at the same time, slept in the same room and attended the same class. When his brother hurt, he would feel pain, and when he retreated into his world, his brother would accompany him.

He placed a small piece of paper into his typewriter and wrote:

Dear Faru Streicher,

I regret to inform you that you have failed your son. You have neglected your most sacred duty as a mother- to protect the fruit of your loins. Early yesterday morning, your son’s tank exploded after mistakenly entering a minefield. The explosion was so severe, that there are no remains to fill his grave. He died in a Russian field of no importance and no distinction. His grave will forever be marked by your dereliction.

Yours,

Your reaming son,

Black Shadow