Tag Archives: The Holocaust

My Demon Angel

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I am running my boy. Always running. Chasing the memories that my mind seems unable to preserve. I wrap them, in nylon. Like vinyl records left for posterity. I chase them in the deepest recesses of my mind. And once I have caught them, I cherish them. I play them over and over on my aging gramophone. Always I dread their annihilation by my new son. He is a demon and an angel.  Each day his achievements drive the memories of your life further and further away. So the chase begins, my desperate search to cling onto your memory.  When my new son took his first steps, and arrived safely in my loving embrace, I wept fearing I had forgotten yours. I imagined our home in Krakow. I searched for the smell of your mother’s cocking, the sound of your grandfather’s ranting. Yet still I could not recall your first steps. Then, you came to me in a dream. You took pity on me. So I wrapped that memory in nylon and moved onto the next.

He does not know that you lived, my demon angel. I have never spoken your name, or told of your laugh or described your tears. For if I speak of your life, he will ask me of your death. But that is one record that I refuse to play, even though it is the one memory I need not search for. Your cry when you were ripped from my arms, or when you head was smashed on the wall, is etched into my mind and scarred onto my ears.

Yet your hair. I cannot remember your hair. Was it brown? Light brown? Black? The hair I combed daily, that I cut monthly. Your walk is alien to me. My new son walks tall. He walks with confidence. Like an old man strolling in the park. How did you walk? Was it with haste? Did you wobble? Did you also stroll through life?

Yesterday my son started first grade. Together, we arranged his pack. Prepared his cheese sandwich, sharpened his pencils. The school here is different from yours. Tel Aviv is warmer than Poland and the children wear shorts with sandals. The parents have no God. They have forsaken him. They do not wear the black hats and tzizit of Krakow. When we walked to the school his shirt grew moist with sweat. So I gave him my dry shirt, kissed him and left. Did I kiss you on your first day of school? Did you cry as I walked off? Or maybe it was your mother that took you. Perhaps I was too busy. I was always to busy. Too busy to love you, too busy to stop your head from smashing on the wall. 

I cannot remember. The demon angel has eaten that memory. So the chase continues.

Will you come to me tonight, my boy? Will you remind me? Of your first day at school, your first homework assignment, your first bruised knee and first school brawl. Come to me my boy. I beg of thee. Together we may fight the demon angel and my aging, feeble mind.

S.

A Real Life Saver

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White House Tape # 1134:

Haldeman: – an interrogation, which he did, and that- the FBI guys working the case had concluded that there were one or two possibilities: One that this [Watergate Break-in] was a White House… they don’t think that there’s anything about the Election Committee [The Committee to Re-Elect the President]. They think it was either a White House operation that had some obscure reasons for it, non-political-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: Or it was-

President Nixon: Cubans-

Haldeman: The Cubans and the CIA. And after their interrogation of-

President Nixon: Colson [Charles Colson, Special Council to the President].

Haldeman: Colson, yesterday they concluded it was not White House, so they are now convinced it is a CIA thing. So the CIA turnoff-

President Nixon: Will I [unclear] Helmes [unclear] get that closely involved.

Haldeman: No Sir. We don’t want you to.

President Nixon: You call him. Good. Good Deal. Play it tough. That’s the way they [FBI] play it and that’s the way we’re gonna play it.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir. Now on another matter-

President Nixon: The Committee [Committee to Re-Elect the President]

Haldeman: No, Sir. The Israelis were here yesterday-

[Rest of Conversation Classified by the Department of Justice]

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Haldeman: And they want us to speak with Justice [The Department of Justice] about investigating a possible Nazi living here.

President Nixon: In the White House? [Laughs]

Haldeman: [Unclear]…No, no. In the US

President Nixon: A Nazi?

Haldeman: Yes, Sir. They think they’ve tracked a Nazi collaborator to Cleveland, Ohio

President Nixon: You mean they have been running their own dog and pony show [intelligence operations] here? In America?

Haldeman: No. No, Sir. They received a tip and they want us to follow up on it.

President Nixon: Well it’s always something with these guys.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: It’s always something.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: I mean, if it’s not weapons then it’s Nazis.

Haldeman: Mm-hmm.

President Nixon: Well, who is it?

Haldeman: The Israelis think that-

President Nixon: That we’re harboring Nazis?

Haldeman: It’s a man called John Demjanjuk. Or [Unclear]… Ivan Demanyuk. He’s a Ford auto-worker up in Cleveland

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: And they received a tip that he’s actually someone called Ivan the Terrible

President Nixon: Ivan the Terrible [Unclear]. That’s a good nickname.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: I guess the FBI wouldn’t push me around if I was ‘Nixon the Terrible’.

Haldeman: No, Sir.

President Nixon: No. Well, what do we know about this Jyvan?

Haldeman: Ivan, Sir.   

Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: Not much, Sir. He immigrated from the Ukraine after the war. He received citizenship because he passed the-

President Nixon: The INS [Immigration and Naturalization Service]

Haldeman: Yes, Sir and-

President Nixon: So. He’s an American. They can’t go chasing down Americans.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: You tell them that.

Haldeman: Well-

President Nixon: Does he pay taxes?

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: Has he been to jail?

Haldeman: No, Sir-

President Nixon: Well that’s that than.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: He’s an American. Tell Meir’s people [Golda Meier, Prime Minister of Israel] they can’t go chasing down Americans.

Haldeman: Sir-

President Nixon: I have enough trouble trying to run a country with this mess [Watergate] I don’t need Nazi hunters running around [Unclear]… trying to arrest people in Cleveland. Tell them to look for Nazis down south [South America].

Haldeman: Sir, he’s on the list, though.

Nixon: List?

Haldeman: Justice [The Department of Justice] has a list of immigrants who were possible Nazi collaborators and he’s on it-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: And this is the kind of thing Justice could use against us.

President Nixon: So what did this Jyvan do?

Haldeman: Well if the Israelis have it right- they have a file- then he was a concentration camp guard.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: And he operated some gas chambers.

President Nixon: Well… All right then you just-

Haldeman: Keep this away from Justice?

President Nixon: That’s right, you just keep away from Justice.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: But keep this away from Henry [Kissinger].

Haldeman: Sir-

President Nixon: Cause he’s in here every day telling me it raining-

Haldeman: Yes-

President Nixon: But it’s actually Henry [Kissinger] pissing on my back.

Haldeman: [Unclear] Yes Sir-

President Nixon: And I don’t need him pissing on my back right now.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

White House Tape # 1221:

Secretary: I have Dr. Kissinger now, Mr. President

President Nixon: Yeah

Secretary: Thank you.

Kissinger: Mr. President-

President Nixon: Henry, are you in New York or here [the White House]?

Kissinger: No I’m here [the White House].

President Nixon: Yeah, so what’s…what’s new this morning?

Kissinger: Ah, nothing of great consequence [Unclear]. In fact, there’s nothing really going on. The Chinese keep meeting with the Russians.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: But not with us.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: So, that’s the problem.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: Mr. President, I got a call yesterday from Mrs. Meier [Golda Meier, Prime Minister of Israel]

[Rest of Conversation Classified by the Department of Justice]

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: And she wanted to know if there was any progress with the investigation?

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Kissinger: So I said ‘what investigation?’ and she said something about a war criminal-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Kissinger: And I said I would ask you because I-

President Nixon: Yeah. Now, Henry you tell her that we looked into it and we aren’t going to proceed.

Kissinger: Yes, but-

President Nixon: You just tell her that.

Kissinger: Well-

President Nixon: This is not something I’m going to peruse.

Kissinger: Well she told me that this was a real priority for them-

President Nixon: Well not now.

Kissinger: Sir?

President Nixon: It’s not a priority for me, now.

Kissinger: Well, the thing is-

President Nixon: We don’t know anything about this man.

Kissinger: Well they do.

President Nixon: I mean all we know is that he lives in Cleveland.

Kissinger: Well they do, Mr. President. They know about him.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: And if this gets out-

President Nixon: What?

Kissinger: That he’s here, in America-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Kissinger: I mean if this gets out this could reflect quite badly on us.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: I’m not talking about the Jews.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: I’m talking about the media.

President Nixon: Yeah. Yeah.

Kissinger: If it gets out that we knew, and did nothing-

President Nixon: Yeah. Well you just tell her [Golda Meier, Prime Minister of Israel] this is not my priority-

Kissinger: Well Sir, I think that this is the kind of thing that she [Meier] would appreciate you see, personally.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm

Kissinger: So this thing is leverage-

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And we need leverage to mover her [Meier] on the Egypt issue-

President Nixon: You think so?

Kissinger: Well yes, Mr. President. This could be Golda’s Eichmann.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And after China this is the next issue.

President Nixon: You mean Egypt.

Kissinger: Yes, Sir. This could press the Russians-

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: Press Russians out of the region. And you know it’s raining now in the Middle East.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: I mean the tensions are mounting.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: So I think we should think about this.

President Nixon: Well I don’t know much about this-

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: Because they talked to Haldeman [H.R. Haldeman, White House Chief of Staff].

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: So you talk to Haldeman and you get back to me.

Kissinger: Yes, Sir.

Nixon Tape # 1251:

Haldeman: Now, on that investigation, you know the Democratic break-in thing, we’re back to the problem area because the FBI is not under control, because Gary doesn’t know exactly how to control them, and they have- their investigation is now leading into some productive areas. Because they’ve been able to trace the money, not through the money itself, but through the bank-you know sources, the banker himself. And…and it goes in some directions we don’t want it to go. And the-

President Nixon: The Cuban thing-

Haldeman: Yes, the Cuban story. The problem is that the FBI now has this banker and it’s leading them away from the Cubans and CIA-

President Nixon: Story.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir. And so we-

President Nixon: So they’re perusing this new banker angle.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir. And the problem is that we have more and more people being involved now-

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Haldeman: So we are losing our ability- you know from here in the White House- we are losing our ability to control this thing.

President Nixon: Yeah. You know what the problem is-

Haldeman: Sir?

President Nixon: They [FBI] have too much time.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: They just have too much god-dammed time on their hands-

Haldeman: Yeah

President Nixon: So all they can do is look into this thing [Watergate Break-in].

Haldeman: Well that’s my concern.

[Rest of Conversation Classified by Department of Justice]

President Nixon: So I want you to talk to Dean [John Dean, White House Council]

Haldeman: Yes-

President Nixon: And I want Dean to go the FBI, and tell them about this Jyvan fellow.

Haldeman: Sir?

President Nixon: The Nazi-

Haldeman: Oh [Unclear]… Demanyuk.

President Nixon: The Nazi the Israelis are talking about.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: And I want Dean [John Dean] to light a real fire under their asses, you see.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: I want the FBI to find out everything they can about this guy.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: Because this administration isn’t just goanna let some Nazi roam around free.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: I mean we have a moral-

Haldeman: Obligation

President Nixon: Obligation that’s right. A moral oblation to find out about this fellow.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir.

Nixon: Because this isn’t Russia where mass murders walk around free.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: I mean this could be a whole can of worms. Who knows how many Nazis are up there.

Haldeman: In Cleveland?

President Nixon: Yeah. And Justice [The Department of Justice] can’t do it.

Haldeman: Sir?

President Nixon: ‘Cause they knew about this fella all along. From that List.

Haldeman: That’s right.

President Nixon: And I don’t care if this Nazi works for Ford, or General Motors or the White House.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: I want him looked at-

Haldeman: Thoroughly

President Nixon: Thoroughly. Now where are we on Colson [Charles Colson, Special Council to the President]?

Haldeman: Well we assume that he will be deposed again soon.

President Nixon: Well that’s a problem.

Haldeman: Yes, Sir because-

President Nixon: Because I want him to fly to Israel.

Haldeman: Sir?

President Nixon: I want to him to go over and talk to the Israelis. I want him to look at the dammed files. I mean the Israeli know more about this Nazi then we do.

Haldeman: That’s right.

President Nixon: That’s right. And no FBI deposition can get in the way of this.

Haldeman: Yes.

President Nixon: And you know that I can’t send Henry [Kissinger].

Haldeman: Aha.

President: Because he’s too close to the whole thing.

Haldeman: The break-in.

President Nixon: The Holocaust.

Haldeman: Yeah.

President Nixon: So if Henry [Kissinger] can’t go, Colson [Charles Colson] should go. 

Haldeman: Yeah.

President Nixon: So our focus now is not this Cuban thing but this Nazi guy.

Haldeman: That’s right.

Nixon Tape #1432:

President Nixon: Well, rather hard day, wasn’t it?

Kissinger: Well, I mean it was hard for you-

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: I didn’t know you had made the statement you did until the evening.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And I think it’s amazing how you conducted the meeting this morning

President Nixon: And then going through the evening-

Kissinger: And then going through the evening.

President Nixon: The problem I have is that I can’t look at this [Watergate Break-in] the detached way I should. I mean these people are yelling ‘throw them out and go on’. Just personal things… I mean god-dammed. I think of these good men [Unclear].

Kissinger: Who wanted to do the right thing.

President Nixon: I mean its goanna splash all over them. And eh…anyway…

Kissinger: Well I think the way you have positioned it now is the right way to do it.

President Nixon: I mean they want me to announce that I’ll fire Haldeman [H.R. Haldeman, White House Chief of Staff] and Ehrlichman [John Ehrlichman, Assistant to the President for Domestic Affairs] without waiting until… the real culprit is Mitchell of course [John Mitchell, Chairman of 1972 Presidential Campaign], he was in charge of the whole god-dammed thing and John Mitchell should step up like a man and say ‘Look, I was in-charge and I take the responsibility, period.’

Kissinger: Exactly. All the more so now that he’s doing the opposite.

President Nixon: No… they’re gonna get them.

Kissinger: Well, I think firing Haldeman would make him the villain.

President Nixon: Well, in the end he’ll probably have to go Henry. They’re gonna…you know… rip him up good.

Kissinger: Well, if that’s the case then he should get out before.

President Nixon: Not until I have absolute evidence. I’m not gonna fire a guy on the basis of a charge made by Dean who’s basically trying to save his ass…and get immunity, you see. That’s why I had that phrase in there; that no immunity should be granted to a [unclear] person. I mean he’s got no right to do that.

Kissinger: I mean, I think that’s outrageous. I don’t think you would have improved the situation if you would have suddenly, without any preparation, turned on all your associates.

President Nixon: Yup.

Kissinger: And eh…

President Nixon: Well, we have two or three rough months ahead. It’s gonna be real rough…

Kissinger: Now the major thing now, Mr. President, if I may say so, is to protect the Presidency and your authority.

President Nixon: It’s gonna be hard because some of these people will even piss on the President if they think it will help them.

Kissinger: Well-

President Nixon: And i’m the only one of the whole bunch who didn’t know a god-dammed thing about it until March when I finally said -well here it is. What you should have done months ago.

Kissinger: They [Unclear] got deeper and deeper.

President Nixon: That’s right.

Kissinger: But I think the absolute thing is to protect-

President Nixon: Well if we can-then we can. And if we can’t-then what the hell…

Kissinger: We can, we can Mr. President

President Nixon: I’ve even considered the possibility of, frankly, just throwing myself on the sword and saying what the hell.

Kissinger: No, no, Mr. President. With all due respect that can’t even be considered.

[Rest of Conversation Classified by Department of Justice]

President Nixon: I mean the real problem is that dammed Kat Graham [Owner of the Washington Post].

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: I mean it’s her paper that ruining…

Kissinger: Lives.

President Nixon: Yup, lives…of good men.

Kissinger: Exactly.

President Nixon: All she needs is something to bite her teeth into…something that isn’t this god-dammed break-in [Watergate Break-in]

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: Because once the papers leave this, so will the FBI.

Kissinger: …

President Nixon: All I need is some time, god dammed it. Henry have you heard from the Israelis?

Kissinger: You mean about Sadat [Anwar Sadat, President of Egypt]?

President Nixon: No, no, I mean about their Nazi. The one they found in Cleveland. Haldeman thinks the FBI will get interested in this Nazi if the Israelis request extradition.  

Kissinger: Well, I think they’re really rattled over there.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: You know they’re pretty certain that he’s going to attack.

President Nixon: The Nazi?

Kissinger: No Sir, Sadat.

President Nixon: Oh, yeah. Well can this Nazi thing pressure her [Golda Meier]?

Kissinger: I don’t think so. Now it’s different.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: Now she’s [Golda Meier, Prime Minister of Israel] preoccupied.

President Nixon: Well it’s a good story Henry…

Kissinger: Sir?

President Nixon: I mean if we get this Nazi-

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: It’s a good story. I mean we’ve never found a Nazi in America.

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: So, what do you think?

Kissinger: About what?

President Nixon: Should we grab him? This Demanyuk fella? I mean we can still arrest him, can’t we? And if Justice [the Department of Justice] decides to indict him, then we may be looking at a lengthy trial. Before extradition.

Kissinger: …

President Nixon: Very lengthy. I mean this could be Nuremberg all over again.

Kissinger: Well the problem is that they’re not sure…

President Nixon: In Israel?

Kissinger: Yes, in Israel.

President Nixon: Sure that it’s the guy?

Kissinger: No, no. They know it’s the guy. I mean they identified him. They flew in a Holocaust survivor.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And he positively identified the guy as the Nazi.

President Nixon: Well…what are waiting for? Let’s grab him.

Kissinger: But now the Israelis don’t want him.

President Nixon: Well why the hell not? Didn’t he kill them?

Kissinger: Well Meier [Golda Meier] feels it would be a distraction.

President Nixon: Distraction? It’s brining a man to justice, Henry.

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: I mean justice has to be served, Henry.

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: Always. Justice has to be served.

Kissinger: But Meier knows that if Sadat does attacks it will be bloody.

President Nixon: Yeah

Kissinger: I mean she told me they expect thousands of causalities

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: They’re in a tight spot.

President Nixon: Yeah.

Kissinger: And she needs the Israeli press on her side to justify a war.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: And to justify her decision not meet Sadat and avert a war.

President Nixon: Mm-hmm.

Kissinger: So Meier doesn’t want any distractions.

President Nixon: Ah…Yeah…Well, Henry, talk to her again.

Kissinger: Yes, Sir.

President Nixon: And tell her we’re ready to do the right thing here.

Kissinger: Yes, Mr. President.

President Nixon: I mean, if the Israelis want him, then this Demanyuk could be a real life saver-

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: A real life saver. He could buy us a lot of time….

Kissinger: Yes.

President Nixon: Yeah. He could do some good for a change…

Kissinger: Yes, Sir.

[End Tape]

A Toothache

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The dentist’s office was white. Its walls were painted white, the waiting chairs were all white and a white nurse, wearing a white hat, was seated behind a white desk. Even Hitler, hanging on the wall, was wearing a white trench coat. When the doctor emerged from his office he warmly greeted the boy and his father. Just as they were about to enter the clinic a woman waiting in line blurted “Dr. Schwarz! You cannot treat that boy. I know him. He’s Jewish”.

“Is he”? asked the doctor. 

“Of course not” chuckled the father. “The boy is one quarter Jewish once removed. Jewish by marriage. Strictly kosher under the Nuremberg Laws, if you will excuse the pun”. 

“Okeydokey” replied the delighted doctor.

“No, that’s no longer true” protested the woman. “Doctors can only treat one quarter Jews once removed if their parents have special dispensation. I should know. I read the papers” she said with pride. 

-“No, that’s also wrong ” replied a third man wearing a pointy hat and holding a golden cigarette lighter. “The doctor can only treat the boy if the father has a special wartime dispensation.”

“A-ok”, smiled the Doctor and asked “Do you have a special dispensation?”

-“Oh yes. I won the Iron Cross in the Somme”. 

“The Somme! Hunky dory! Now, let’s look at that tooth!”

“No! No!”, protested the woman yet again, stomping her right foot. “WWI is no longer regarded as wartime dispensation. It’s because of them we lost that war in the first place. Besides” she shrugged her shoulders, “it goes according to the mother. If he is one quarter Jewish by his mother, then he can’t be treated by German doctors”.

“She’s right”, nodded a fat woman wearing a purple headscarf. “It goes according to the mother. My ladies doctor told me that it actually goes by the mother’s mother. If the bitch is a Jew than so is all the litter”.

“Yes I see. Well, this is a bit of a pickle” surmised the doctor. 

-“What’s holding up the line” yelled an old man in the back. “I’ve been waiting for hours”. 

The father then explained that the mother’s mother was also Jewish by marriage so the “boy is one sixteenth Jewish once removed on his mother’s side with no Jewish blood”.

“Well then. That’s that” exclaimed Doctor Schwarz clapping his hands. 

“I don’t think so” quarreled the man in the pointy hat trying to recall a memo he had recently read. Taking a drag from his cigarette he explained, “If the mother is one quarter Jewish, even by marriage, then the boy can’t be treated in a German clinic unless the marriage has been annulled. I should know”, he told the protesting woman, “I work at the department of transport”.

-“Huh”, she replied, “everyone’s an expert. Oh these laws are so silly! Just label them all Jews and be done with it”.

“She’s right”, agreed the fat woman. “Who has time to go look up every patient’s mother’s mother? The lines at my ladies doctor have become so long! So long! And sometimes I have such a rash down there.”

The old man now stood and yelled again “What’s the hold up. I’m in agony”. 

-“We’re all in agony” replied the fat woman moving uneasily in her chair adding “such a rash down there”.

The Doctor smiled and, placing his hands on the boy’s shoulders, yelled “we think this boy is Jewish”.

The old man yelled back “You think he is a blowfish?” 

“No, no” laughed the doctor and said aloud “Jew-ish. We think we have a Jew-ish”

The helpless doctor looked around and commented “Well this is a mess”. He then asked the nurse if she happened to have a copy of the Nuremberg Laws? The nurse tilted her head, raised her eyebrow and peered into the doctor’s eyes as if to say “Bitch, Please”.

“Is there a lawyer in the room?” asked the Doctor finally. To his surprise, the old man raised his hand and came forward limping and shaking violently. White, short hairs covered his lower face and he was wearing a torn jacket. “I’m a lawyer”, he said slowly.

The doctor pointed and said “This boy’s mother’s mother is one quarter Jewish by marriage and his father has a WWI special dispensation. Can I treat him?” 

The old man looked down at the boy, stroked his right cheek and asked kindly “Do you have a toothache?”

“Yes” whispered the boy.

“There doctor. Now you can treat him” said the old man.

Watch Your Step

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Walking behind the two officers, Max Ernst admired their tilted hats. SS officers, himself included, always tilted their hats. It was a brand that distinguished them for all other German officers. Being a former marketing executive, Ernst could appreciate the value of a brand. The two officers took Ernst and his attaché into a large, unimpressive building. A building with no distinct features but those found within its four walls. They passed through a ‘waiting room’ and a ‘hair room’ until finally they arrived at a massive steel door. Beyond it lay a large room filled only with shower heads.

-“There”, said one of the SS officers. “That’s the door to the gas chamber. That’s the problem. Fix it”. The officers turned around and existed the building.

“Well?”, asked Ernst.

-“Well what?”

“Well does it look scary?”

“It’s the entrance to a gas chamber! Of course it looks scary” answered the attaché sitting down on the stairs. He then took a bite from an apple that echoed throughout the empty chamber.

“Yes, but the whole point is to make it less scary so that people gladly walk in” insisted a frustrated Ernst.

“You expect people to waltz into to a gas chamber?” asked the attaché taking another bite from his apple. The attaché was the newest recruit in the SS’s Jewish Affairs Department. Ernst was asked to ‘show him the ropes’ but wished he could show him the door.

“It’s all in the presentation”, argued the former marketing executive. “If they don’t think it’s a gas chamber they won’t mind going in”.

“Well how on earth can you mask a death trap like a gas chamber?”

“Through marketing” explained Ernst now examining the empty chamber. “That’s what marketers do. Why marketers get people into death traps like cars and trams all the time. They even get kids to go fight the Russians. What we need now is a marketing slogan, a way to get people into this particular death trap. One that already looks like a shower, albeit a cold one”.

The two men grew silent and only the echo of the apple could be heard. Ernst leaned on the gas chamber’s door while the attaché, now half way through the apple, placed his elbows on the steps and reclined comfortably.

“A sign!” yelled Ernst slightly startling the attaché. “That’s what we need. A sign. A sign you would not expect to find outside a death trap. A sign that hangs in the entrance to a shower”. Ernst picked up a pad of paper, removed a pencil from behind his ear and quickly scribbled something. He then turned the pad and, like a boy seeking validation from his father, asked “How about- Welcome?”.

-“Welcome?” repeated the attaché. “It doesn’t sound very German. Or very SS-like. Since when do we welcome Jews? Anywhere? It sounds like a hoax” concluded the young recruit with little interest. He then threw the apple stem into the chamber and used a nail to dislodge some pieces of fruit that desperately clung to his teeth. 

“Good point. What about a simple This way please”. Ernst added a small arrow to the pad of paper. ”It’s short and not too patronizing”.

The attaché paused for a moment and looked at the pad. “That’s better, I think. But this is a one way assembly line, isn’t it?”.

“Yup” replied an enthused Ernst. He was now in his element. He could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins as he sought to solve the puzzle in front of him. He relished the opportunity to exchange ideas, to try different approaches, to draft a phrase and erase it only to draft it again until finally reaching the ecstasy of a solution. “It’s a one-way assembly line. From the waiting room, to the hair room, to the gas chamber and finally to the furnace”. 

-“So it’s a redundant sign. Obviously people will ‘walk this way’. German signs are never redundant. They convey the exact amount of information necessary. Like ‘Rouse’, or ‘Schnell’ or ‘Halt’.

Ernst paced back and forth as the attaché asked “Why all the fuss? Those two officers said that these chambers has been working perfectly for months”.

-“Rumors. The Jews are expecting to be gassed. It makes them hesitant to enter the chamber. So the gassing takes longer meaning this camp doesn’t meet its daily deaths quota. That’s why we’re here and that’s why this room is no longer a scary gas chamber but a friendly, familiar, shower. A nice bath after a long train ride. See, the room is already fitted with shower heads. Just as you’d expect”.

The attaché smiled. “Is the water hot?”

-“Boiling”. They both laughed for a moment. “The shower heads look good but this entrance door to the chamber, this steel monster is too daunting. SS architects have no flair for design. Nor a mind for marketing for that matter”.

“But they get the job done quickly” quarreled the attaché hoping to go back to the hotel and get some rest. “And you have been looking at this door for an hour without making any progress”.

“You can’t rush the creative process” explained Ernst, his eyes fixed on the steel door. “Inspiration takes her time. You know how long it took us to design the ‘Go East’ campaign. Coming up with the ‘relocation to the East’ slogan and creating logos and fake map for the Jews standing in the Ghetto deportation squares. Now that was a challenge! Getting Jews to eagerly board trains headed for this very chamber. No. This door is not a challenge” he said out loud sensing the solution was nearby. “No. This door is just a roadblock. All I need is a bit of inspiration”.

-“More like perspiration. Why is it so bloody hot down here” asked the attaché no longer wearing his jacket.


“The furnace. They keep it running day and night”.

Now the attaché smiled recalling “One of the officers told me that that’s the difference between Santa Clause and a Jew. One climbs down the chimney and exits through the door while the other enters through the door and exits up the chimney. Maybe we need a sign that says ‘after shower proceed to sauna’?”

A bit thick, thought Ernst. “No. But you are right. We need something short and pithy. Something simple like ‘ice cold’ or ‘homeward bound’. Something that drives the senses or steers emotions. How about…”

Silence took root. Not an awkward silence but a tense one. The attaché could actually sense it. He could smell the change in chemistry, touch the energy now occupying the space between the two men. Finally, Ernst turned around, smiled and simply said “Watch your step”.

“Watch your step?!” blurted the confused attaché.

-“Well if you are about to be killed no one would care where you stepped”, said Ernst, sitting beside the attaché. “And if you are going to live, the last thing we Germans want is for you to get injured”. 

“But what does it actually mean? How does it drive those ‘senses’ and ‘emotions’ of yours?”

The former marketing executive laughed. This was the beauty of marketing, he thought. That even a fellow marketer fails to interpret the message at first.

“Watch your step. It means… we care about you. It means you have value. It means you are a human being. Yes…Watch Your Step. That’s what you’d expect to read in the entrance to a shower.”

-“You mean a gas chamber”.

I Have Another Call

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“Elders of Zion, how may I direct your call?”, asked the elderly women, sitting in front of a switchboard in Brooklyn.

“Hello? Hello?”, answered the man from Berlin, amazed to receive a response. “I need to speak to someone about Germany”.

“Sir please speak up”, insisted the woman in Brooklyn, “the line is poor”.

“I need to speak to someone about Germany!”

“Please hold for Rabbi Levi” replied the receptionist, effortlessly moving cables across the massive switchboard.

“Yes?” asked the elderly Rabbi, his white beard riddled with cream cheese.

“They’re killing Jews!”

-“What?”

“Their killing Jews! In Germany!” said the frantic man.

“Eh. What else is new? Rochale! Rochale!” roared the Rabbi at the switchboard, “Where is the lux?”

“What?! Elders of Zion, how may I direct your call?”

“Where is the lux?!” cried the distressed Rabbi Levi “This bagel is dry!”.

“It’s on the table, Rabbi. On the right! Elders of Zion, how may I direct your call?”

“Their killing Jews in Germany!” pleaded the caller from across the Atlantic.

“Well, what do you want us to do about it?”

“You run the economy don’t you?” begged the caller.

“We have made certain investments in certain banks”.

“Then cripple Germany’s economy”.

“What are you, a mishugas!” wondered the Rabbi. “Germany is one of our biggest export markets. Rochale, who is this on the phone?”

“Then boycott arms sales to Germany!” suggested the caller.

“Nisht Gut” answered the Rabbi as another piece of lux disappeared into his gut. “It’s one of our most profitable enterprises. And the bandages”.

“What?!”

“The ban-da-ges! We are selling the Germans millions of bandages. All across Europe”.

“Then get America into the war!”

“Oy. Rochale, this uber chuchem wants us to get America into the war”. Rochale laughed all the while connecting the many calls. “We need the politicians in our pockets” explained Rabbi Levi. “How do you think we run the whorehouses up in Harlem?”

“Then send us food! We need food!”

“Hey! What do you think this is? Some Kosher catering service. We’re running a business here. Not a charity”.

“Help us! Please!” pleaded the man from another world.

“I’m sorry, I have another call”.