“Elders of Zion, how may I direct your call?”, asked the elderly women, sitting in front of a switchboard in Brooklyn.

“Hello? Hello?”, answered the man from Berlin, amazed to receive a response. “I need to speak to someone about Germany”.

“Sir please speak up”, insisted the woman in Brooklyn, “the line is poor”.

“I need to speak to someone about Germany!”

“Please hold for Rabbi Levi” replied the receptionist, effortlessly moving cables across the massive switchboard.

“Yes?” asked the elderly Rabbi, his white beard riddled with cream cheese.

“They’re killing Jews!”

-“What?”

“Their killing Jews! In Germany!” said the frantic man.

“Eh. What else is new? Rochale! Rochale!” roared the Rabbi at the switchboard, “Where is the lux?”

“What?! Elders of Zion, how may I direct your call?”

“Where is the lux?!” cried the distressed Rabbi Levi “This bagel is dry!”.

“It’s on the table, Rabbi. On the right! Elders of Zion, how may I direct your call?”

“Their killing Jews in Germany!” pleaded the caller from across the Atlantic.

“Well, what do you want us to do about it?”

“You run the economy don’t you?” begged the caller.

“We have made certain investments in certain banks”.

“Then cripple Germany’s economy”.

“What are you, a mishugas!” wondered the Rabbi. “Germany is one of our biggest export markets. Rochale, who is this on the phone?”

“Then boycott arms sales to Germany!” suggested the caller.

“Nisht Gut” answered the Rabbi as another piece of lux disappeared into his gut. “It’s one of our most profitable enterprises. And the bandages”.

“What?!”

“The ban-da-ges! We are selling the Germans millions of bandages. All across Europe”.

“Then get America into the war!”

“Oy. Rochale, this uber chuchem wants us to get America into the war”. Rochale laughed all the while connecting the many calls. “We need the politicians in our pockets” explained Rabbi Levi. “How do you think we run the whorehouses up in Harlem?”

“Then send us food! We need food!”

“Hey! What do you think this is? Some Kosher catering service. We’re running a business here. Not a charity”.

“Help us! Please!” pleaded the man from another world.

“I’m sorry, I have another call”.